Inner Machinations

Just wanted to let everyone know that I've moved to another blog website. This current one I'm using just isn't working for me anymore. Not too pleased that all my images have been replaced with that annoying icon. (which by the way, was suppose to be removed at the end of October - according to their IT department)

I have been using my son as a model quite a bit lately. He's not thrilled that I keep taking photos of him, but maybe when he's older - he'll be happy that I did.

The silence on this blog for the past couple of months has been deafening. What's happened? Where to begin? To start, my husband and I are divorcing. I was the one that wanted the divorce. Can't stay with someone when you don't love them anymore, right? The divorce would have been amicable but things took a nasty turn at the last second. Funny how one moment can change everything. Needless to say, it's been emotionally draining. Ending a relationship, especially when there is a child involved is always hard. Anyway, enough of that. I was working on a larger piece before the" shit hit the fan" but stopped for a while. I've started working on it again, and hopefully I'll finish it soon. What I've been drawing while I was in limbo were smaller pieces - for fun really. I have a couple of friends that I share music with. Whenever we find a new band we think the other will like - we'll make CDs for each other. Anyway, I started making CD covers for the CDs I make. Thought it was better than slapping the CD in one of those ugly sleeves.

"The Guardian" is 17" x 20". I wanted to carry the little girl (me) and crow from my other drawings through this series as well. Seem to enjoy inserting myself into all these little worlds I've created for myself. An escape fo me I suppose.....not sure who is really the Guardian here - could be the crow. It's also possible that all three beings represent incarnations of the same person. I leave it the viewer to figure it out.

It's been TWO months. Wow. December was crazy....family, preparing for Christmas, car problems...didn't think it would end. January was for recovery. Finally finished this illustration. It is called "Forsaken" , the size is 13.75" x 16".  This image could be interpreted in so many different ways. My thought behind this was of someone who felt defeated - maybe they tried to help someone or just tried to get through life - ended up getting smacked down.

I still have the white teddy bear my parents gave me when I was 7. Her name is Blossom (awwww...), she had a rattle in her tail and felt flowers by her left ear. I remember seeing her in Bloomingdale's, and I begged my parents to get her for me. I loved her more than anything as a child. That little bear was my confidant. (she's soaked up many of my tears over the years). When I moved out of my parents house, I took her with me. I gave Blossom to my daughter years ago . I still pick Blossom up every now and then to look at her. Her fur isn't really white anymore, and when you hold her up, her head slumps over. Still, holding her comforts me. "Mending" (9.25" x 11.75") is about repairing an old friend.

Been busy with friends and family, must catch up. Have two other illustrations being worked on simultaneously. Draw faster.....must draw faster!

"Nest" (7" x 8.75") is yet another image of my cat, Pao-Yu. (there are currently two paintings of him in our home) It is true, my cat is loved. We don't have birds at home, but I thought it would be fun to throw a couple on top of Pao's head.

And now for something completely different.
A year ago, "Dying of Ennui" began as a large 4' x 4' painting. It was never finished. Since I reduced the size (10" x 12.5"), and turned it into an illustration - I am happier with it. This will probably be the last angel I will draw for awhile. Over the years, my angels have become increasingly sad and bored. At the time this particular angel was created, I was feeling unsure about my decision to change my career path, and I didn't feel I had the support of my partner.  The illustration is about isolation (the shadow is not a tangible presence), and feelings of weariness and dissatisfaction.

This is the one that started it all. I found this photograph a couple of years after my brother passed away. I don't know where the photo was taken (some small park in New York)...I do wonder about who/what I was looking at. Surrounded by empty benches - a solitary image. The teddy bear was not in the original photograph.

Hectic weekend, plagued by extremely painful migraine.

Fourth illustration (approx. 11" x 18") in the series. I have a great deal of respect and admiration for birds. I had pet finches growing up in New York City. My father built a cage for them, and we kept them in the kitchen window during the day. Occasionally, I would let them out of their cage, and they would always sit on the plants we had on the window sill. They were so small and delicate, and they had the most expressive eyes. There are those who would say these birds had no feelings - no soul - they are wrong.

I use crows / ravens in most of my illustrations because they are beautiful, intelligent birds. Most people view crows / ravens as harbingers of death. To me, they are symbolic of the transition of the soul/spirit into the afterlife....guides.